To Write Sex Scenes or Not...

There are some thing’s that even I, as a writer of romance are squeamish about. Sex scenes and the intimate details are positively cringe-worthy for me. I do not want to write three pages about how his shaft felt inside her. Yeah, no, I couldn’t do that.

After having a rather fascinating dialogue with another New Zealand writer today, it was clear that sometimes that full description of the sex is not necessary and sometimes does not add to the story, it just simply is.

There are one or two authors that I have read more than one novel of, that do this quite intricately and the more books by that one author, I felt like there was a pattern to her work. It was very interesting and would make a great case study.

Are sex scenes absolutely paramount to the story or not? Every book and author is different. No matter how hard you try to avoid intimate moment descriptions, even if you try to PG it, or glaze over those scenes, some description of touching is necessary, not so much touching of the nether regions, but perhaps the sexual response the character is having to the other. A throbbing between the legs, a dampness. Is that not enough?

Sometimes when there is too much description, I find myself slightly embarrassed to be reading this, especially if there are other people around because I feel like I’m being naughty reading R18 material. Silly, I know, but it’s the response I have. I guess you wouldn’t read a Playboy Mag in front of others, would you?

Is there a limit? When is the description of a sex scene too much? I would love your thoughts on this if you have read to this point. Three pages may be too much, for some, but for others they are enthralled, hanging on every word. There is no right or wrong here because it is a personal preference. Look it is modern times and talking about sex isn’t as taboo as it once was, and I am not some prude. Just looking for a healthy balance.