Writing Exercise: Good vs. Bad Dialogue

Good dialogue

I don’t know why I like this story or the dialogue used, but there is just something about it.

The Slave’s Reward by Will Lawson

“Already the gods help us,” she said. “It is the beginning of Tainui, the Great Tide, which surges through Raukawa, between the two mainlands. See, it helps us in its flow to the south.”

Parekohu saw that she spoke truly. They were being carried by the tide towards Mana and Cook Strait. A school of kahawai – sea mullet – flashed past as if in flight.

“Repeat a karakia, O chieftainess,” Tairua said. “Te Arawa the shark will be pursuing the fish, and will pass near. It is more fitting for you to say than I.”

I think its because the dialogue compliments the flow of the story, and helps it move forward in a way that is spiritual almost.

Bad dialogue

There is a part in the book Fallen by Lauren Kate, where Luce and Daniel are finally opening up to each other, and there is one line that I found so unbelievable that any guy would say.

“What did you say?” he asked slowly.

“Oh, you know,” she said, shrugging now, trying to downplay what she’d just said. “Once a day or so, I get these visits from these dark things I call shadows.”

“Don’t be cute,” Daniel said curtly.

When this happened, it didn’t play in with his character so far, and I couldn’t imagine the character actually voicing this. I ended up skimming over the entire conversation after a few more sentences.